Dear (name of publisher),
I am working on my goals for 2007, and one of these would be to get a book deal. OK, the goal is really to get a column (to be published), but I figured my parents would be more excited about my accomplishment if I landed a full-blown book deal. I mean anyone can write a column in a magazine, right? So I've been thinking that you may want to release my collection of writings. I have done most of the work on the cover art, so you will not need to invest any time on graphic artists, or a marketing team, to help come up with an eye catching cover. The following are some of my ideas.
First we have the Jane Austin look. No, my writings are not romantic, they hardly make sense... but we all know how these sappy love stories sell. Two words: Period Piece. People (OK, the ladies) will be picking up this book for purchase just because of the cover. There might even be a movie deal just because of the cover. Think about it... a movie deal! The money would be pouring in just because of this cover. We could get Hugh Grant and Amy Grant to be in the movie. We could do a book tour with the real Jane Austin, kind of ride her coattails. I am confident this is the look you are going for.
Next we have the children book / self-help book cover. Both genres are very popular and sell remarkably well. If Madonna can do it, so can I! Yes, I do understand that children should not be reading this trash, and this will probably help no one - but that is not the point. The point, of course, is to sell books. I am not opposed to making this a partial pop up. And if we could appear on Oprah this would ignite units to move off the shelves. I am also not opposed to putting Oprah on the cover.
Yes, I will sink as low as to placing Michael Bolton on my cover if it means a book deal. I am sure I can pay off the Michael Bolton fan club to use the quote. We could do books on tape and have the real Michael Bolton sing the book (music by Kenny G, of course). I am hopeful we could even get Michael to grow out his hair again... how could he ever cut his hair? The longer the Bolton hair, the more albums (and books) sold. I would also be totally fine with putting a picture of the Titanic or a unicorn on the cover.
Let me know what you think. And no, the book has not been written yet... not even started, but how hard could it be to write of book?
5 of 9er.