Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Box of Dub.

I have been completely absorbed with the two Box of Dub compilations that Soul Jazz put out a little while ago... 2007 maybe? Dubstep is the only electronic music I have been listening to, with the exception of Lindstrom. I'll probably be completely sick of it in a few days... but right now it seems just right.

A good place to learn more about Dubstep is: dubstep.fm/

Monday, January 26, 2009

Mommy Friend.

Last Thursday Miles and I had our first play date.  This couple that LP and I met at a wedding a couple weekends ago has a new baby who is two weeks younger than Miles.  Score!  Meeting people with a new born too!

So Mom & Baby Girl came over for a play date on Thursday afternoon.  Our kids are too young to actually play together, but it was just nice to be able to talk to someone about daily boring things... diapers, poop, spit up, feeding, Target, etc.  We drank some coffee.  Ate some cookies LP had made.  Changed some diapers.  Got to know each other.  And all of a sudden three hours had passed and it was time for Mom & Baby Girl to go home.

A simple get together which ended up making my afternoon so much better.  We are going to try it again this week.  Yea!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Eloise.

Just a good day for a kitty photo...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Blue Monday.

I was never aware that the third Monday of the year was referred to as "Blue Monday."  Did you?  I was only knew of the New Order song by the same name... a pretty darn good song.

Blue Monday is supposedly so depressing since by the third Monday of the year we are already failing at our resolutions, getting tired of the winter cold, and trying to pay off the debt we incurred over the Christmas holidays. I am sure a lot of us are trying to lose some weight, or at least wishing it would just go away. Many of us are thinking about family we saw over the holidays and wish we lived much more close to love ones... or further away. And I am sure some are remembering the hopes we had on New Years Eve for a better 2009, and already think the new year blows.

I was not focused this year on if I was depressed or not on Blue Monday... mainly since I did not discover this until the day after.  Also it was MLKJ Day and LP was at home... which was great.  It was also the day before the inauguration of Obama so there was too much time spent focused on the television and not on measuring depression. Excitement was in the air.

Next year hopefully I'll be able to take a few minutes to pause and reflect and see if I am truly blue on Blue Monday.  Hope you weren't... and if you were... I guess that day is the worst it can be for the year so things are looking up.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Frustrated.

Yesterday was a very trying day for me. Being Mr. Mom sounds like a lot of fun, but yesterday was one of those days I wish I had of been at my old job. My old job seemed like a walk in the park compared to yesterday. And if it were a nice Spring day I would of gone for a walk in the park, but with it being only in the teens outside there was no way I could take Miles outside.

Yesterday was full of crying, screaming, and fussing. Nothing I tried seemed to work. Miles did not want want to be held or rocked. He did not want to be put in his crib, swing, or bouncy seat. He did not want to eat. He did not want to sleep. He was just not sure what he wanted... or at least I could not figure it out. And when a baby cries at you on and off all day (no he did not cry for eight hours straight... although it seemed like it) you just feel defeated and sad. Defeated because you cannot seem to find the solution, and sad because it's hard to see a little baby so upset.

But when he calms down, and finally falls to sleep, I look at him and know all of this frustration is worth it. It really is. Now only if I could find a job so we could have a more secure future.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Negative Coldness + A Rumor.

I know there are plenty of cities in this world that are a lot colder than Chicago, but waking up to -17 degrees was brutal for most of us in this city. Plus we had a lovely windchill to add to the misery. It was so cold that when I drove LP to work I really wanted to pick up every single person outside waiting for the bus. I am glad that by tomorrow we will be 30 degrees warmer! Below I have attached a few photos from the cold day.

There are rumors that a certain blogger is coming back... a certain blogger who has not posted since September. I am very excited about this - that is if I can find time to read that blog (I've not been so good about catching up on the blogs I like to read).


This is Tracy Butler... we watch her every weekday morning on the local ABC.

COLD!!!

Ice on the tree in our backyard.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

my unemployed life*

I started a new blog this year. It's not very exciting, but it is a good way for me to reflect on my current situation. It might be a tad bit depressing, but I do not mean it to be. I really would like to just have a record of this trying time in my life. I am going to keep the fun stories of my life to this blog, but I am sure my new blog will have an occasional rant about my last job.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tomorrow.

Gee... tomorrow is going to be fun.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Mr. Mom.

My new role this year has been Mr. Mom.  Now that I am unemployed, and LP had to go back to work, I get to spend my days with Miles.  This has been such a joy.  I feel absolutely lucky that I have been given time to spend with my son.  My son... even saying (or typing) it is still foreign to me.

Now these days of "such a joy" have been a lot of work for me.  See I am one of those people who never cared for babies.  I have always been uncomfortable around newborns since I have not a clue how to care for them.  So I jumped in the fire and I am learning each and every day.  I have down the feeding, changing diapers, and playing.  I am not so good at calming and soothing.  Miles sees me as his buddy who plays, so he has not bought into the idea that I can also be the one to rock him to sleep when he is cranky.

I start each day with a huge list of things to do... and some days I get a lot done, and some days I get zero accomplished.  There are these days were Miles just wants complete attention, and that means I cannot find time to do anything else.  In stead of being frustrated I try to just go with the flow and give Miles the attention he needs.  Those days we play with stuffed animals, look in the mirror, and flip through pages of the many books we have.

We are planning to go to a Friday morning Mommy playgroup... which I am sure I'll be the only Mr. Mom.  

Being unemployed is rough, it really makes me feel worthless.  But as Mr. Shain pointed out - I am lucky I get to be Mr. Mom.  I am enjoying this time with Miles, because many parents don't get this time.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Unemployed.

Being unemployed is one of the worst feelings I have ever had.  It is a feeling of worthlessness and not being wanted or needed.

I was laid off at the end of 2008 by the small company I was employed with for nearly nine years.  I worked extremely hard at being the best project / production manager for all of my clients, and was very proud at the loyalty they showed me.  Sure I probably got a little too comfortable at times, being that my job was in the music industry and it was probably going to come to an end at some time because of declining CD sales.  I brought in the most money for the company and was with them for the longest amount of time - and I was rewarded by getting let go.

I was not only let go, I got the official word on the day LP and I were going into the hospital for her induction for the birth of our first child.  Although this was a very hard pill to swallow I also realized that this was a true and clear sign that I no longer needed to put so much hard work and effort into a company for a boss who could do that to me.  Oh, and it got worse since I had to sit on a conference call a week or so later where my boss let the rest of the company know that they were all getting raises and how things would be so great in 2009.

I know... I am better off not there.  But my ex-coworkers (who I miss) still have a job... and I don't.  And my boss keeps calling and emailing to check in with me.  He just wants to make sure I get a new job soon so he can stop feeling bad for himself.  He took the big risk by getting rid of me, and thought all of my clients would stay (hint: they didn't).

Being unemployed in a city where my network for getting a new job is slim is rough.  I am struggling to find leads, and I am struggling to understand how I am going to get a job.  I am trying so very hard to stay positive... but it difficult when my former boss keeps contacting me.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

1994, Part 2.

One of the books I recently grabbed off my bookshelf to finally read was a book I bought in the 1996 (the receipt was still in it) and I never read - not even sure I opened it. The reason I made the purchase was because one of the authors was one of my professors in college, a professor that I thought was the coolest teacher I ever had... but that is a story for another time.

What was this literary purchase?  Revival: Spoken Word From Lollapalooza 1994.  Yep.  What a relic from a time gone by.  What a piece of crap.  If you do not remember 1994's Lollapalooza - well it was easy to forget, but it had this spoken word stage where almost anyone could sign up and spew out some random words (with tons of potty language) and call it poetry (or art?).  It was so 1994.  Maggie Estep and Jennifer Finch have entries in the book which right there makes it very 1994.  I think I ate up the spoken word stage at the time, but cannot recall... I mean it's not like I was an avid poetry slam attender (I've never been a fan of poetry), but I was way into being "cool" back then.  The kind of cool that gets attention.  What better way to grab attention than a mediocre poetry slam.  

So this book is full of "highlights" from the open microphone sessions that summer.  And it is so bad that I cannot seem to put it back on the shelf.  I must finish it.  Ug.  

Just in case you wanted to refresh your memory... Lollapalooza 1994 was:
Main Stage: The Smashing Pumpkins,
Beastie Boys, George Clinton & the P-Funk All Stars, The Breeders, A Tribe Called Quest, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, L7, Boredoms, Green Day.
Side Stage: The Flaming Lips, The Verve, The Boo
Radleys, The Frogs (first six dates only), Guided by Voices, Lambchop, Girls Against Boys, Rollerskate Skinny, Palace Songs, Stereolab, Fu-Schnickens, The Pharcyde, Shudder to Think, Luscious Jackson, God Lives Underwater, King Kong, Charlie Hunter Trio, Shonen Knife, Blast Off Country Style, Souls of Mischief, Cypress Hill, The Black Crowes.

Monday, January 05, 2009

1994.

During the Christmas holiday season I found some time (due to the cold ass conditions outside) to catch up on some movie watching. Reality Bites is one film that I just never got around to watching. I know I owned the soundtrack (mmmm... Lisa Loeb) but never saw the movie. I had a feeling it might be one of those films I could not recall seeing, but when I finally got around to watching it my brain would click and I would remember having seen it. Nope. I really had never seen it, or my memory is going.

I was so surprised by how many big name actors/comedians/celebs are in the film [Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Steve Zahn, John Mahoney, Evan Dando, David Spade, Andy Dick, RenĂ©e Zellweger]. And I was surprised by how much I liked it. Or maybe how much is grabbed my attention and took me down memory lane to 1994.  I watched it twice.  That Gen X slacker mentality which was so cool. And everyone smokes in the movie. After about thirty minutes I wanted to run to the corner shop and get a pack of smokes because it looked like so much fun... but I didn't because I don't smoke and I think cigarettes are like $9 a pack in Chicago.

Reality Bites makes 1994 life seem so simple.  I remember writing checks for pizza deliveries back then.  Can you do that anywhere anymore? Life was focused around buying tons of 7"s and then listening to them over and over again. Bands like Velocity Girl, Eggs, Love Battery, The Spinanes, Hazel, Heatmiser, Further, Lois, Pavement, Beck, Tsunami, Urge Overkill, Unwound (college indie rock... if you did not get the picture). It was the slacker generation - and it got the best of me.  I was the slacker...  Working on things like the radio station not my classes. I wanted so badly to be these slacker characters, but not realize that they were soon to be headed to nowheresville too.  I spent money on buying all of the cool Gen X books never to read them.  I still own them, and have finally been getting to them.

1994 was the year I should of graduated college, but I didn't (it took me well more than four years to get my B.S. - but I did get it!). I was so wrapped up in being busy with unimportant things. I kept believing that life was so complicated and I just needed to figure life out before I should do my homework... or maybe I should just swing by the record store to make sure there aren't any new 7"s out so I can play them on my radio show.  All of which I have a tad bit of guilt about, but I was young and needed to do a whole lot of growing up.  Lucky for me my move to NYC was coming and I did a ton of growing up there.

Wow... what memories one film opened up. And you know, I've never seen Say Anything either.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Books.

The past week or so I've been finding time for myself... which is hard to come by when you have a newborn. My time is right after the 10:00pm news when LP and Miles are sleeping. I have found that I can get thirty minutes to an hour to myself to read a book or magazine before falling asleep.

There are so many books on our shelves that I have purchased but never got around to reading. Some nights I get a page read... some nights a chapter... some night more. But it is relaxing. It is calming. It reminds me how reading can help you clear your help, or even help you focus.

There are so many books to get lost into... I look forward to my new found time.