I've been listening to the new Brit Box that Rhino recently released. The name of the boxset describes it well... The Brit Box: U.K. Indie, Shoegaze, and Brit-Pop Gems of the Last Millennium (from 1984-1999). Sure it's missing lots of bands I would of included, and some wrong songs by the bands they did choose - but it sparks so many memories. Music has been such a large part of my life, and in the late 80's and early 90's I was obsessed with so much music coming out of the UK.... James... Jesus & Mary Chain... Spacemen Three... Stone Roses... Ride... Curve... Slowdive... Stereolab... Moose... Carter USM... Cast.... Swervedriver... My Bloody Valentine...All of these songs remind me when I had so many goals, so many dreams, so many ideas of what I would be doing in fifteen years and where I would be doing it. I knew good things would come to me. I was hip. I was so into the scene and could school anyone on music knowledge. I was fun to be around. Sure I slacked in college, and sure I probably drank too much. But I had a confidence in myself that no one could take away. I always had a positive look on life. I was going to be a success.
Listening to the box set reminds me that it is fifteen years later. Sure I've live in most of the places I want to live in. Sure I reached my goal of working the in music industry. But somehow along the way I've lost some of that confidence in myself. Somehow I got to a place where I am just stuck. I feel like no one wants to take a chance on me and offer me a new job. I take it personally... because rejection is not easy on anyone - especially me. There are so many could-of, should-of, would-of situations to look back on. Maybe I would change them if I could, but that is not an option.
Music can be so much more than booty shaking and guitar solos. Music can be good therapy. Music can remind me when I had so many goals and ambitions, and that it is never too late to create new goals and get off my ass and work towards them.
