Goodnight Moons.

This is probably my last post for 2006 since I'll be traveling and then spending the rest of my free time figuring out what LP and I are going to do for New Year's Eve in Chicago...

Goodnight Moon.
Goodnight A Blog of a Good Time... and your dreams of your future husband Justin Timberlake.
Goodnight Anonymous Midwest Girl... and your AMBF.
Goodnight Autumn... it was a good one, but it is winter now.
Goodnight B-Muse... when are you going to start blogging? Surf blog?
Goodnight Carolyn Says... and your super cute kitty who is killing your little Christmas tree.
Goodnight Cat Pee Smell... I know you are a smell, and not a blogger, but you are starting to piss me off and I am not going to take (or smell) this shit (or piss) in 2007!
Goodnight Cherry Ride... it's Merry Christmas, remember that, and goodnight Richard.
Goodnight Chuckdaddy Xpress... I hope this is not one of your pet peeves.
Goodnight Classy & Fancy... hope you have many dreams of a Smiths' reunion.
Goodnight Darci from the Block... Sorry you lost on Days of Our Lives.
Goodnight Fish Not Fried... keep the indie rock alive, and listen to some Queen.
Goodnight Jader... I hope you have a White Christmas... since it seems like you and I are the only ones who like snow.
Goodnight K.i.d... enjoy your break from studying.
Goodnight King Dan... we'll have to throw back some maple syrup and O.J. when I'm in S.F.
Goodnight LP... I'll be up for a little while, I'm tryin' to figure out how this blog can get us paid!
Goodnight Lori Mocha... and all of your babies... although you're probably so amped on pills you won't fall asleep. A new meaning to the term White Christmas.
Goodnight Meaning of Loaf... hopefully you are sleeping on that green couch.
Goodnight Mimi Smartypants... when is your new book coming out?
Goodnight Random House... and Penguin, Viking, Doubleday, Harper Collins, Regan Book, and Bantam, I'm the guy you want for a book deal... really.
Goodnight Reckenroll Lifestyle... but is "Goodnight Moon" on your Top 5?
Goodnight Smack Dab In the Middle... hope you have a night void of violent dreams.
Goodnight Stuff On My Cat... you are an inspiration to all, and fuzzy too.
Goodnight Sufferin' Succotash... hope your child support payment comes in, and hope you hook up with Wayne Coyne.
Goodnight The Gancer... Liar's Club 2007!
Goodnight Annoymous Posters... who are you?
Goodnight Readers of 5 of 9er.... bored yet?
Goodnight Chicago... now bring me some snow!
Goodnight Moon.
Goodnight.

Merry Christmas!

Things To Do (before 2007): Update

With only 11 days left in 2006 I am realizing my list is going to be tough to accomplish. Not impossible, but probably impossible for me since I am a slacker at the end of the year. Here is an update on some of my goals...

1. Learn to play the guitar. Yesterday was day #1 of lessons. After realizing that my fingers in no way will cooperate with my brain, or the instructor (the man on the dvd I am watching), it is highly unlikely I will be playing "Auld Lang Syne" on New Year's Eve. So I am supposed to do some finger exercises on the guitar until my fingers work right... maybe by 2008. Crap!

3. Get over my fears of flying. Any one have drugs?

5. Find a good hor d'oeuvre to make for Christmas Eve. LP and I were at a Christmas party last night and the host's younger sister made stuffed mushrooms. She was so proud of them, and put a nice little twist on the standard recipe... and they were good. So making stuffed mushrooms is not all that bad. Is it?

6. Find Lori Mocha some help... I'm still working on this. Hopefully Santa will fulfill Lori's wish and she'll be so sedated she'll forget about my goal #6. Or, I'm going to call Tyra up and get Lori Mocha on that show. You all need to step off of Tyra. She is all that and a bag of chips.

7. Get more sleep. Been doing good on this, but I'm still sleepy. Crap!

8. Be more active. I stood up at the party last night... every time I needed a refill or another stuffed mushroom. LP and I can be such wallflowers around people we don't know. I ended up petting one of the fat kitties there... and occasionally saying things like, "uh, hi!" and "yeah". One of our good friends could not make it since her grandmother died (what a crappy way to spend Christmas, sniff sniff), and the hostess (our other friend) was way past drunk that it was pointless conversing with her... although she did tell us all the story of when she got thrown in jail for having a car full of drugs. I love drunk people!

9. Lose ten pounds. I guess all the beer, cheese, and stuffed mushrooms are not helping. Crap!

12. Come up with a plan not to get lice from my sister's children. I think I have accomplished this goal! I called my mom last night and told her we need to move Christmas Eve to my parent's house. I also mentioned that we should tent my sister's house... but somehow I don't think that will be done. I am still thinking about wearing the shower cap.

Today's entry has been brought to you by the letters: C, R, A, and P.

Judge Maria Lopez, Part 2.

Oh Judge Maria Lopez... I have given you my time and attention every weekday (well, almost every weekday) for the past month. My goal to get away from my desk during lunch has been semi-successful. I do actually eat my lunch away from my desk... but staying away from my desk for at least 30 minutes is really hit or miss. Our lounge area is only ten feet from my desk so I can still hear my phone. But on the days I do sit back and relax for a few minutes I still have been zoning out on TV. Yes, I've gone through my phases... Tyra (still dig her), Jerry (ashamed), Maury (just sad), CLTV (Chicago's NY1), and Judge Maria Lopez. But I finally made my commitment a month or so ago. I made my commitment to Judge Maria Lopez. I would give up the rest. My 30 minutes at lunch were all about Judge Maria Lopez.
Judge Maria Lopez is intelligent, fair, sharp witted, and hot. She's Cuban, and declares she is the "true American dream." And how she slams down that gavel, and rules with such authority - Yet, she still has a couple minutes after each trial to show her personal side and talk to the viewer (that’s me!) about why she ruled the way she did. I know I've written about Judge Maria Lopez before, but for daytime TV her show does not get old... at least that is what I thought. The past few times I have tuned into Judge Maria Lopez it has been re-runs. Re-runs! I have so many choices of crappy daytime television, how can you do this to me Judge Maria Lopez? I could watch Judge Mathis, Judge Hatchett, Judge Alex, Judge Judy, Divorce Court, or the People's Court. I have many other choices and you give me re-runs after a month of viewing.

Judge Maria Lopez, I think this calls for a break between us. I am giving you up until 2007. Maybe by then you'll get your act together and give me new episodes. If not, our relationship is over.

Things To Do (before 2007).

With thirteen days left in 2006, these are some of the things I wish to accomplish before 2007:

1. Learn to play the guitar. I just purchased a how-to DVD and Book, so I need to pull out my guitar and figure out how to play it. I think I remember where my guitar is.

2. Come up with a plan to get to Tucson, AZ for the White Sox Spring Training. The White Sox are playing the Giants on March 21. Must get there!

3. Get over my fears of flying. Especially since I am flying to San Francisco this weekend.

4. Get rid of the cat pee smell. Ok, I have not smelled it in over a week... but I am worried it will come back. Although it now my desk smells like coffee since I just spilled my coffee all over it... shit!

5. Find a good hors d'oeuvre to make for Christmas Eve. ...so my family does not stick me with the regular stuffed mushrooms. My family thinks I'm a complete moron when it comes to the kitchen, so when it comes to Christmas Eve I am usually in charge of stuffed mushrooms or cutting cheese in the squares... while the rest of the family is making things that light on fire and uses ingredients no one has ever heard of.

6. Find Lori Mocha some help, friends, reasons for human interaction, or maybe a book deal for her comics.

7. Get more sleep. I've been tired lately.

8. Be more active. See #9.

9. Lose ten pounds. I don't want my mom to think since I moved to the Midwest I got fat. Technically, I have not gained any weight since moving to Chicago... but I can always shed ten pounds.

10. Find out where to get Leberkäse. I am completely addicted to this spam sandwich at the Christkindlmarket. And the market leaves on Christmas Eve. Maybe if I stopped eating them I could lose ten pounds.

11. Try to insert more good albums into my Top 10+10 list. What about The Raconteurs, Built to Spill, Eagles of Death Metal, Mojave 3, Sonic Youth, Scott Walker, Futureheads, Justin Timberlake, Yo La Tengo...?

12. Come up with a plan not to get lice from my sister's children. Only one kid has them, but we are supposed to spend Christmas, or Christmas Eve there. I'm thinking about wearing a shower cap.

Favorite Albums of 2006.

2006 was a good music year... Not great... not like 1992. But I've never struggled to find 10 albums to make up my list. This year was missing jazz for me. I was not super excited about any of the jazz records I heard except for a few re-issues. There were some good ones, but not great ones. And there sure were disappointments this year... for me the biggest disappointments were The Decemberists' lousy album "The Crane Wife" (capitol)... three good songs, that's it - And also Patricia Barber's unlistenable crap-maker "Mythologies" (blue note).since compilations of old material never make my Top 10 (since it's previously released material) I must point out two super great compilations... Soul Gospel 2 (soul jazz) and Air's "Late Night Tales" (thrive). Both are worth the listen. My favorite singles have to be "Country Girl" by Primal Scream and also The Tyde's "Do It Again." My most listened to record of the year was the Hot Snakes "Thunder Down Under" (swami)... but since it is a live record of old material... I decided to keep it off the Top list.

My Favorite Albums of 2006...
1. Belle & Sebastian "The Life Pursuit" (rough trade)
2. TV On The Radio "Return To Cookie Mountain" (4ad/interscope)
3. Bonnie "Prince" Billy "The Letting Go" (drag city)
4. The Hold Steady "Boys And Girls In America" (vagrant)
5. Clipse "Hell Hath No Furry" (re-up gang/zomba)
6. Kelly Stoltz "Below The Branches" (sub pop)
7. The Sword "Age of Winters" (kemado)
8. So Many Dynamos "Flashlights" (skrocki)
9. Donavon Frankenreiter "Move By Yourself" (lost highway)
10. Laura Gibson "If You Come To Greet Me" (hush)

and the +10:
Bruce Springsteen "We Shall Overcome" (columbia)
End Of The World "Youre Making It Come Alive" (flameshovel)
Ghostface Killah "Fishscale" (def jam)
Josh Ritter "The Animal Years" (v2)
Jo Jo "The High Road" (blackground)
Left Alone "Dead American Radio" (hellcat)
M. Ward "Post-War" (merge)
Mastadon "Blood Mountain" (reprise)
Mission Of Burma "The Obliterati" (matador)
Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3 "Ole! Taranula" (yeproc)

Al Gore Is Heatmiser.

Ok... so it's December and I am thinking about wearing shorts because it's in the 50's in Chicago. Actually there was a guy on the Red Line train Tuesday night who was wearing shorts... and they were not the "I just worked out" or "I just went for a run" shorts. So I am sure we all know who is behind this warm weather. No, not SUVs and not the oil companies. The sole person behind this global warming is Al Gore. He couldn't swing it in politics so he made some movie about global warming... blah blah blah blah. It did ok in the theaters. Reviews were kind. He did the talk show circuit. But now it is out on DVD... it just came out a week ago. And BAM! it just happens to warm up. Think about it. If he was really for the environment he would of not used all of that plastic, and instead he would have bicycled from city to city putting on puppet shows (puppets made out of recycled material) about the environment. Hey Al Gore, in your SUV, you are Heatmiser. And you wear tacky sweaters.

You Did Not Kill Me.

Dear Driver From Hell,

I just wanted to send you a little note letting you know you did not kill me today. Yes, you got close - but you missed. You remember me... that white boy who was walking across the street, in a crosswalk, at a 4-Way Stop, and you decided to step on the gas and aim your piece of crap beat up Jeep Cherokee right at me. Your wife, sister, girlfriend, lover, daughter, grandma, whatever in the passenger seat was yelling at you like you had gone mad. Well.. YOU HAVE! You tried to run me over you sick person. What the hell did I ever do to you? I don't even know you. And since it was dark out I could not read your license plate. You got lucky.

So a big Happy Holidays to you... because you will not be celebrating Christmas this year when Santa comes to your trailer and poops down your chimney... if you have one.

Love,
me.

Dead Moon R.I.P.

What a major bummer... one of the best rock bands of all time has called it quits. For many, Dead Moon is right up there with the Rolling Stones. And their live show had so much energy. I was lucky to see them countless times in Portland... and I got to witness their first NYC show which was over the top. Dead Moon will be missed.

"After 20 yrs, Dead Moon is retiring. It has been a journey we will always treasure and feel that a worldwide family has emerged in its place. Dead Moon became much bigger than the band itself, it became a DYI underground hopeful for a lot of people. The candle is still burning!"
--Fred Cole

Hip Tip, #2.

Last night LP and I went to the Christkindlmarket in the Loop with our friend Sara. Since Sara spent the last year in Germany we wanted to know how authentic the market really was... and according to her expertise it seems to be pretty authentic (except that they offer Miller Lite).

That was all good... but the highlight of the evening was when Sara taught us a new term to use when you need to talk about taking a poop... simply talk about bowling. You can talk about strikes and spares and splits... lots of fun bowling things. All the hip kids will be talking about their bowling adventures... and so should you.

A Low Christmas, Part 2 (Tone Deaf).

Last night on my drive to pick up LP from class I listened to Mariah Carey's "Merry Christmas" album. I always take two CDs for my trip, and usually listen to the guilty pleasure on the drive to pick up LP... then I listen to the more sensible choice (less embarrassing) on the trip home.

As I was singing (yelling) along, matching Mariah note for note (in my head) it once again dawned upon me what an amazing album she made. It truly is a classic. The gospel choir adds so much to the recording... and in the pop/rock world gospel choirs and string arrangements are usually added when everyone has run out of ideas. "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is a fantastic song. It's has a bubbly fun to it that reminds me of the Beach Boys. And some may not call it a Christmas carol, I do... since you can sing along (or pretend to) to it. It is truly a Christmas album, not a Season album, or a Holiday album. It is Christmas through and through.

As I drove up and saw LP walking up to the car... I quickly pushed play on disc 2... the Low "Christmas" album.

A Low Christmas.

I purchased the new Sarah McLachlan album "Wintersong" when it came out in November, but when I realized it was a Christmas album I decided not to listen to it until after Thanksgiving. I am beginning to think Sarah might never put out a true new studio album ever again. But the thought of Sarah McLachlan singing Christmas songs seemed great to me... she has a fantastic voice and could put a good twist on the classics. On the drive from Memphis to Chicago after Thanksgiving LP and I listened to "Wintersong" and quickly came to the conclusion... it sucks. Parts of it sound more like a Dead Can Dance Christmas (an idea which hopefully never comes true). A major bummer to us both. The album is such a downer.

This got me thinking about my favorite Christmas albums. A good topic to write about here since so many bloggers are writing about the Christmas season... and I have not joined in. So I am jumping on board.

Low's album "Christmas" is hands-down my favorite Christmas album to date. It is in every way completely perfect. They mix traditional classics ("Silent Night" "The Little Drummer Boy") with new songs they have written ("If You Were Born Today" "Just Like Christmas"). And they do all of this is their very unique Low-sound. And coffee shops around town seem to agree since I seem to hear it in every coffee shop I go into.

My second favorite Christmas album would have to be Bing Crosby's "White Christmas." This is as traditional as it comes, but it is a classic that stands the test of time. The Andrew Sisters give it some good added 1950's charm. And "Mele Kalikimaka" might be the most fun song ever written about the Christmas season. Too bad every time I listen to Bing it I cannot help but think about what an a-hole he was and how he beat his wife and children to no end... BUT he recorded one heck of a jolly ol' Christmas album.

Then there is lots of other Christmas albums that are a good listen including Elvis', Sinatra's, The Muppets', Dolly Parton's, the 1960's Christmas compilation. I read that Twisted Sister put out a new Christmas record this year. And then there is a Death Row Christmas... what an awful idea that was. But Sarah McLachlan... oh Sarah, your album is not so good. You should just focus on putting out a new studio album.

Grannyisms, Vol. 1

LP's grandmother (Granny) uses words incorrectly often. Mostly she pronounces them wrong. But when someone tries to correct her she refuses to change. So I decided to start a list of what we call "Grannyisms." This is the first of hopefully many more entries:

Grannyism : Real Word
Stencil: Stint (for a heart)
Walmark: Wal-mart
Journaly: Generally
Trevis: Trellis
Oxygen: Austrian
Triangle Bed: Trundle Bed
O-fen: Orphan (like Little O-fen Annie)
Twicet: Twice

* Side note: My grammar can be pretty awful at times when typing away... but that is why there is Spell Check. Well, I just noticed this morning that the spell check for Blogger has not been working. I should have figured that out when I went an entire week with no typos. I had the word random spelled wrong in my title this week. Thanks Blogger.

Glad I Don't Live In The Midwest.

Completely random ramblings...
I'm getting old. Last night LP and I went out with the crew (yes, the crew... we're in a kick-ass gang. we actually started the initiation process last night for Richard. he's pretty tough... I think he'll make it. and Cherry has his back... but all of that's a story for another day...) for a couple drinks to just get out of the house and see Richard who just got into town a few days ago. I was yawning the entire time. I kept thinking to myself "Wow, two beers seems a lot for a Wednesday night. Wondering when we're going home so I can sleep." And then this morning I could not get out of bed... I just wanted to keep sleeping. At least I had a -10 wind chill on my walk to work to wake my ass up.

LP was taking to my mom on the phone the other night... and my mom told her all about how she was glad she did not live in the Midwest. It was not about the weather or about the ocean or the mountains... She told LP that people in the Midwest do not have their priorities straight. She went on about how Midwesterns are just not right. Midwesterns make lots of money and spend it all on big houses. Uh... and LP and I live where... yep, Chicago - in the Midwest. And we rent. Thanks Mom. We feel really warm and fuzzy now.

My desk at work smells like pee. Cat pee. Some kind of animal pee spray smell... but I am sure it's cat pee. AND IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL. I am a total neat freak. I clean my desk all the time. I wash my hands probably way too often. And for the past month every so often I get this hint of pee. Where can this smell be? I have washed everything. It's not my chair. It's not me. This morning I thought I figured it out... I though it was my iBook... but no. There are times when I think I am getting close and I'll be sniffing my desk... I look like I am snorting lines. WHERE ARE YOU PEE SMELL... and why are you around? Why does my desk smell like cat pee? How can I make it go away? We do have an office dog... but I am pretty sure she does not shoot out cat pee. Will made a suggestion last night that maybe this is a precursor to something like a brain hemorrhage or comma. Geee... what a nice thought. My last memory before I drop dead (at work) is cat pee. That sucks.

And a big BOOOOOOOOOOO for the White Sox trading Freddie Gracia.

Hip Tip.

Just making sure all of you are down with the lingo... so you don't look stupid at the next shin-dig you're at (yes, the word shin-dig is back and very usable). According to the new Clipse album, the new word for money is STINKIES. That's right. STINKIES. So don't make a fool of yourself at your Christmas parties and use some old/played-out word like Benjamins. Be hip. Tell everyone you have a pocket full of stinkies!

Yesterday, This Morning, Today.

Yesterday... I was invited to attend a lunch/talk at the Union League Club in the Loop. I was told I had to wear a suit for the lunch, which was alright since I rarely have a reason to wear one of my suits (usually just at weddings & funerals), and with it being so cold the more layers - the better. The Union Club is Swanky. For two hours I felt like I was part of old Chicago society. I was one of the elite. I was rubbing elbows with some of the most powerful people in Chicago (although they were not talking to me... and when I was near a conversation I kept thinking about Bridget Jones saying "Do you... Do you know... where the toilets are?"). I was looking around for Randolph & Mortimer Duke, but I only caught a glimpse of some look-a-likes. After the lunch everyone headed for their cabs & cars... while I headed to the Brown Line.

This Morning... it was 9 degrees! Such a warm up from yesterday morning's 6 degrees. But this morning on my way to work I had a snotty runny nose. So with it being 9 degrees the goo froze and every time I breathed in through my nose it would start to peel the frozen snot from the inside of my nose, simultaneously ripping out my nose hairs. Ouch! Also, when it gets under 15 degrees my eye tend to water... so tears are running down my face, and freezing. I pulled out my handkerchief to wipe my face, forgetting I blew my nose in it a few minutes earlier, and proceeded to wipe snot all over my face... which froze. The expressions of the faces of people walking by me said it all. I looked like a snot popsicle.

Today... Beerfest comes out on DVD!!!

Monday: Random Thoughts.

I am working from home the first half of the day... which works out since it is 6 degrees outside and a walk to work would not be fun. So my random thoughts for this Monday (booo for Mondays)...

1. Doc Martin's are good for one thing: Walking in the snow/ice. I feel like I am back in high school/college when I tie them on my feet... but they really are good for crappy weather (shoes, not the boots).

2. Is there some unwritten rule that people don't have to pick up their dog's poop when there is snow on the ground? The first snow comes, and by the next afternoon there is frozen dog poop everywhere. WTF?

3. I bought a new knit hat from the Gap which is alright... but every time I wear it LP calls me Enrique (Iglesias). Not good. So I have purchased a new hat from Norstrom that makes me look more like Elmer Fud.

4. I'm so sick of MSNBC's Top 5. They blow. Really. Last week's top 5 is: Undeserving Rock Band's in the Hall of Fame. Their Top 5 included: Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Percy Sledge, The Lovin' Spoonful, and Bobby Darrin. Black Sabbath not worthy of being in the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame... are you kidding me? What the hell is this person smoking... or not smoking? Black Sabbath changed the sound-scapes of rock and opened the doors for metalheads to come. And don't get me started on Aerosmith or Percy Sledge.

Wrong About 2005.

For those of you who do not know... I am obsessed with my annual Top 10 albums of the year. Each year, at the end of December, I try to narrow down my favorite new ablums of the year (that were released that year) to a Top 10... and then I add 10 more that just would not fit. The more and more I listen to last year's release by The Magic Numbers I realize that I was completely wrong not making it the year's best album. It truly is pop genius. And since it was such a sleeper (I took me a while to get into it) I made the mistake of not making it my number one. So I am going back and making the change...


The Best of 2005 (re-do):
1. The Magic Numbers "The Magic Numbers" (capitol/heavenly)
2. Nada Surf "The Weight Is A Gift" (barsuk)
3. The Perceptionists "Black Dialogue" (def jux)
4. SF Jazz Collective "SF Jazz Collective" (nonesuch)
5. Josh Rouse "Nashville" (ryko)
6. Stars "Set Yourself On Fire" (arts & crafts)
7. Lyrics Born "Same !@#$ Different Day" (quannum)
8. John Davis "John Davis" (bht)
9. The National "Alligator" (beggars banquet)
10. The Frames "Burn The Map" (anti)

and the + 10:
Bloc Party "Silent Alarm" (v2)
Clap Your Hands And Say Yeah "Clap Your Hands And Say Yeah" (self released)
Drunk Horse "In Tongues" (tee pee)
Elbow "Leaders Of The Free World" (v2)
Freakwater "Thinking Of You..." (thrill jockey)
Ida "Heart Like A River" (polyvinyl)
Mariah Carey "The Emancipation Of Mini" (island)
Shannon McNally "Geronimo" (narada)
Sybris "Sybris" (flameshovel)
The Game "The Documentary" (interscope)

Thunder Snow!

What is thunder snow:

• The rare weather occurrence that brought a big-ass snow storm to Chicago Thursday night?
• Super amazing top grade cocaine?
• A new Norwegian Black Metal band?
• The new version of Pop Rocks (and if you eat two packages of them and chug a Coke you'll die... really!)?
• The new Public Enemy song "Welcome to the Thunder Snow?"
• A new Mel Gibson film..."Mad Max Beyond Thunder Snow?"
  

Thunder Snow?

Gilmored.

The Gilmore Girls pretty much blows this season. The show is done. Really. After last season (which was a total downer) I was not holding my breath for anything spectacular this year... especially since the creators of the show left. The best parts of the Gilmore Girls are: The interaction between Lorelai & Rory, And the people in the town (Mrs. Kim, Michel, Lane, etc.). All of that seems to be going away more and more lately. This marriage to Christopher is crap. The whole episode in Paris was predictable, and it looked so much like it was shot on some set it L.A. it should of been flushed down the toilet. And speaking of Paris, even Paris is not very entertaining these days (except the 2002 dancing was classic). Yeah, Yeah... you can tell me all about this week's episode and how the town was involved in it... but it was a terrible storyline that went nowhere. Bring back Mrs. Kim! Bring back Gill! Bring back all of Lane's terrible band. Write about Lane's pregnancy. Don't keep bringing back Rory's new "art" friends who are boring characters... that one new friend who calls the naked-guy "boyfriend" is so drab, so nasty skinny. This is probably the last season for the show... I hope the last few episodes are not as disappointing as the last year.