Thursday, June 12, 2008

On Repeat.

Yesterday when I got home I had plenty to do... so instead of opening a beer and sitting on the couch with the cats to zone out on the television news I got right to work (of course after feeding the meowers). My big task was to disassemble our huge CD shelf and downsize it since we now own less than 1,500 CDs.

Before getting started I loaded the CD player with some music (I knew I'd be too busy to flip records every few minutes) and hit play. The first album was Colin Meloy's new live album which I've found a huge fondness for... a huge surprise since I am so tired of the Decemberists. The CD player got the seventh song (maybe it's the sixth, or eighth) called "Wonder" which a favorite of mine. I know the song is all about having a baby, but yesterday I listened to it in such a new way. The song completely grabbed me. I hit the back button when it was over and listened again. And then again. And then again. And then finally just put the song on repeat and finished the shelves (which look pretty good).

On a day when I found out the my job is gone at the end of the year (possibly sooner) since they are closing my office... and on a day when I did not receive any calls for interviews... and on a day when I am not sure how I can right the situation... and on a day when you put all of this together you would just want to give up and cry - well I got lost in one song by Colin Meloy. I put all of these huge issues aside and just thought about what an amazing happening is going on in LP. How us two are creating a new person. A new person that is going to change both of our lives forever.  And most importantly how I am so lucky to have LP in my life to go through this journey with.

When LP got home I was on the phone talking to my mom and she asked if I was okay since I apparently looked sad. I guess I should have been - but I was not. Not even for a second. I guess I was in wonder. I guess I put the good in front of the bad. Some might say I was not being realistic, or that I was day dreaming or avoiding what needs to be done. That's fine, they can say that. I was proud of myself for taking some time for me to reflect on what is going on in my life, and LP's life. I was in wonder. 

"My darling, what wonder have we wrought here? It’s weird and it’s wonderful dear. An ankle, an earlobe, an elbow bone. It’s weird how it wonderful grows. And it was only me and you that made this three come out of two."
- Colin Meloy